There is a kind of person, ubiquitous throughout society, whose smug attitude and self-obsessive tendency marks him out from the crowd. These people seem to have an advantage over the rest of us, always finding their way to positions of power and influence - by hook or by crook - regardless of their lack of talent and their aversion to hard work. When I lived in Budapest I remember reading a pair of stories in the local newspaper which gave me a new perspective on this class of unrepentant narcissist. I should like to share them with you:
The first story concerned a young woman who went running in a residential area near to where she lived. During the course of her run she was suddenly attacked by a German Shepherd, which made a vicious assault upon her. The dog was tenacious, and she only escaped it after a prolonged chase by jumping into the Danube and swimming to safety. As it was winter and the water was cold the dog thought better of continuing its pursuit and turned back. The police were called and alerted to the incident, and some time later they found the owner of the dog, a former resident of the US now living in Budapest. When told about what his dog had done his only reaction was to snort and inquire why the girl had not escaped from it by climbing a telephone pole?
The second story in the newspaper involved a businessman who set up an old construction crane on a bridge which spans the Tisza River and hung from it a bungee cord. He went into business, offering the opportunity to try bungee jumping from his crane, and his first customer was a middle-aged man named Akos, who had a reputation as something of a daredevil. As well as being the business' first customer, Akos had the singular distinction of also being its last. When he jumped from the bridge the stress exerted brought the crane down on top of him. By a miracle he survived his injuries and was expected to make a full recovery, with time.
Both stories are exceptional and extreme, but they are also excellent examples of how the Players ply their trade.
Top talk of "denial" tends to conjure up the image of something unwanted or unpleasant, yet the truth is that we all live in denial - it is a useful regulator acting on our minds. Denial allows for dissociation, and for it to work we must, ironically enough, deny its very existence as part of our own psychological make-up. Denial allows us to avoid seeing what we do not want to see, allowing us to remain secure in our beliefs and free from any disconcerting challenges we might otherwise experience in the course of our lives. For the Players, the influence of denial is so great that it cannot be counteracted. The Players come to inhabit their own alternate reality in which facts are denied and replaced to suit them. Whereas the rest of us retain some sense of fixed ideas which transcend all else, the object of a Player's denial is constantly in flux.
We can illustrate the effect of denial with the example of the paedophile. The terrible acts committed by Paedophiles sit incongruously with the image they often present to the world of respectability and virtue. To a paedophile, however, the two states are not mutually exclusive - by denying the horror of what they do, they embrace the value of what they pretend to be. It should come as no surprise to us that they often disguise themselves in the vestments of the priesthood. Even when brought to justice, many paedophiles see themselves as the wronged parties. They are narcissistic, and therefore difficult to rehabilitate. So convinced are they of their own virtue, and so convincingly do they portray it, that it becomes difficult to know when, if ever, they are truly repentant.
Entitlement and vindictiveness are central to the narcissistic personality. They are really two sides of the same coin. Narcissists feel naturally entitled to anything they desire. In fact, in their inner world, desires would be elevated to needs and rights. One of these is the right to always come out on top; to always win!
No matter how much they get, how many times they win, they feel an absence of gratitude. Narcissists are ravenous. When deprived of the material rewards or deference they feel to be their due, they are enraged. Because of their completely distorted sense of their own importance, the slightest provocation can provoke the severest retribution. This narcissistic rage, particularly when not readily vented, becomes a vindictive obsession, which can consume them for years.
And so we learn that Players are motivated by the need to win and to win big, as well as to look good while doing so. They believe themselves the supreme beings and consider themselves entitled to have their greed sated, yet that greed is insatiable, and so they go on yearning for more, unable to accept compromise or sacrifice a lesser goal to achieve a greater one. This makes them ultimately immovable. - 31521
The first story concerned a young woman who went running in a residential area near to where she lived. During the course of her run she was suddenly attacked by a German Shepherd, which made a vicious assault upon her. The dog was tenacious, and she only escaped it after a prolonged chase by jumping into the Danube and swimming to safety. As it was winter and the water was cold the dog thought better of continuing its pursuit and turned back. The police were called and alerted to the incident, and some time later they found the owner of the dog, a former resident of the US now living in Budapest. When told about what his dog had done his only reaction was to snort and inquire why the girl had not escaped from it by climbing a telephone pole?
The second story in the newspaper involved a businessman who set up an old construction crane on a bridge which spans the Tisza River and hung from it a bungee cord. He went into business, offering the opportunity to try bungee jumping from his crane, and his first customer was a middle-aged man named Akos, who had a reputation as something of a daredevil. As well as being the business' first customer, Akos had the singular distinction of also being its last. When he jumped from the bridge the stress exerted brought the crane down on top of him. By a miracle he survived his injuries and was expected to make a full recovery, with time.
Both stories are exceptional and extreme, but they are also excellent examples of how the Players ply their trade.
Top talk of "denial" tends to conjure up the image of something unwanted or unpleasant, yet the truth is that we all live in denial - it is a useful regulator acting on our minds. Denial allows for dissociation, and for it to work we must, ironically enough, deny its very existence as part of our own psychological make-up. Denial allows us to avoid seeing what we do not want to see, allowing us to remain secure in our beliefs and free from any disconcerting challenges we might otherwise experience in the course of our lives. For the Players, the influence of denial is so great that it cannot be counteracted. The Players come to inhabit their own alternate reality in which facts are denied and replaced to suit them. Whereas the rest of us retain some sense of fixed ideas which transcend all else, the object of a Player's denial is constantly in flux.
We can illustrate the effect of denial with the example of the paedophile. The terrible acts committed by Paedophiles sit incongruously with the image they often present to the world of respectability and virtue. To a paedophile, however, the two states are not mutually exclusive - by denying the horror of what they do, they embrace the value of what they pretend to be. It should come as no surprise to us that they often disguise themselves in the vestments of the priesthood. Even when brought to justice, many paedophiles see themselves as the wronged parties. They are narcissistic, and therefore difficult to rehabilitate. So convinced are they of their own virtue, and so convincingly do they portray it, that it becomes difficult to know when, if ever, they are truly repentant.
Entitlement and vindictiveness are central to the narcissistic personality. They are really two sides of the same coin. Narcissists feel naturally entitled to anything they desire. In fact, in their inner world, desires would be elevated to needs and rights. One of these is the right to always come out on top; to always win!
No matter how much they get, how many times they win, they feel an absence of gratitude. Narcissists are ravenous. When deprived of the material rewards or deference they feel to be their due, they are enraged. Because of their completely distorted sense of their own importance, the slightest provocation can provoke the severest retribution. This narcissistic rage, particularly when not readily vented, becomes a vindictive obsession, which can consume them for years.
And so we learn that Players are motivated by the need to win and to win big, as well as to look good while doing so. They believe themselves the supreme beings and consider themselves entitled to have their greed sated, yet that greed is insatiable, and so they go on yearning for more, unable to accept compromise or sacrifice a lesser goal to achieve a greater one. This makes them ultimately immovable. - 31521
About the Author:
John Berling Hardy helps people reclaim their lives and revealing the tricks techniques which are being used them to manipulate them. For more of his writings please visit www.playingtheplayers.com
